>cars open as soon as I approach. >sit on synthetic leather sit. >welcome audion on 30"" touch screen

>cars open as soon as I approach
>sit on synthetic leather sit
>welcome audion on 30"" touch screen
>the only HMI devices are the screen and wheel
>push start button
>Plug-In Hybrid Tech fires up
>Lane Assist: ON
>Start-and-Stop: ON
>AC: Auto
>side mirrors heating: ON
>driving wheel heating: ON
>Adaptive Cruise Control: ready to be enabled at 70 mph
>Android Auto: ENABLED
>Voice command: ENABLED
>Automatic double clutch gearbox: D
>parking sensors: ENABLED
>Collision alarm: ENABLED
Time to drive

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  1. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Auto: ENABLED
    Should've been Apple CarPlay™: ENABLED for maximum seethe

  2. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >my cadillac as soon as I approach
    >oil starts leaking
    >ps fluid starts leaking
    >its below 50° so I have to crank her 5 times in a row for her to warm enough to hold idle
    >lean electric bench seat all the way back
    >pull telescoping steering wheel till its in my lap
    >parking brake assembly is seized so I just disconnected it underneath
    >make sure I have my whole tool box and extra fluids packed since it burns a quart every 500 miles and I don't know what other resevoir will run low in that time either
    >shift into drive and hear that 429 pur
    >BLUBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUB
    Oh yeah its drivin time

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      lol I like how it only pisses fluids in your presence

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >your car gets wet when you approach it
      kinda jelly ngl

  3. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >car doors might not open even i press unlock
    >sit on synthetic fabric sit
    >radio goes on has 10" black and white lcd
    >the only HMI devices are the radio and wheel
    and manual shifter and light control and climate control...
    >turn key to start
    >Diesel Tech fires up
    >Lane Assist: dirty mirrors
    >Start-and-Stop: manual or stall
    >AC: off to save fuel and aux belt
    >side mirrors heating: not working
    >driving wheel heating: never existed
    >Cruise Control: not responsive&manual, better just use your foot
    >Android Auto: in my phone but not in car
    >Voice command: rage on machine
    >clutch gearbox: 1,2,3,4,5 & R
    >parking sensors: reverse a bit after bump
    >Collision alarm: wife screaming

    The euro VW experience

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >Collision alarm: wife screaming
      It doesn't get more based than that

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      alarm: wife screaming
      classic

  4. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    My car has zero of these features except the steering wheel

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Same. Guess some people don't like driving.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Why ?

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          Because I like it.

  5. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >Android Auto: ENABLED
    We use iPhones here, Ranjesh.

  6. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >using android in a luxury car
    oh, you're driving a vw nvm

  7. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >get in car, put in key
    >clutch in, press start button
    >"Please insert Navigation Disc" pops up on iDrive
    >put phone on mount
    >"THE BRUTOOTH DEVICE HAS BIIN CONNECTUD"
    >open waze
    >open spotify search "safari 1992"
    >tilt panoramic sunroof
    time to drive

    • 2 months ago
      fap

      god i love e30

  8. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >Please verify that you are "anon2" by saying, "Doritos™ Dew™ it right!"
    >"Doritos™ Dew™ it right"
    >ERROR! Please drink a verification can

  9. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >forgot to unplug the drivers side window switch last night so awaken to car alarm blaring
    >put key in drivers side lock and turn, but the linkage in the door panel is fricked up so i have to be very forceful with it, but dont want to break the key since i lost the only spare i have
    >get door open, sift through empty cigarette packs, empty plastic water bottles, torn pair of jeans, 3 pairs of boots/shoes, a mug, and various electricians tools
    >rip the trim off that holds the door switch, unplug switch
    >lock the door, slam it shut at 2am because if i dont the door will have a gap that will let water in if it rains

    >next morning
    >go to start truck
    >high beam indicator on since my low beams dont work and i have DRLs
    >check engine light illuminates for ~5 miles, then turns off
    >engine randomly misfires
    >transmission vascilates between shifting smoothly or slamming between gears
    >A/C doesnt work, A/C controls are reversed for some reason (red is cold, blue is hot)
    >some of the vent settings work (defrost, floor, driver, but not floor and driver)
    alignment is fricked ever since i smacked a curb real good so truck pulls to the right
    >floor is rotting through so now when i go over puddles i get a little wet

    all true. best $500 ive ever spent

  10. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Meanwhile, my jeep
    >Doesn't have doors
    >Has side mirrors attached to the door hinge
    >Heater fan has four settings, off, 1 (still off, 2 (still off,) 3 (full blast.)
    >No A/C, let alone climate control
    >Sit on ripped fabric seat
    >Insert physical key, which is a piece of metal, into physical slot
    >Flip fuel pump switch on
    >Push clutch down
    >Pop shifter to neutral. Shake it to verify.
    >Slide choke to all the way on
    >Turn key to start
    >Wait about twenty seconds, gently slide choke closed. Maybe more or less depending on temps.
    >Select gear (usually 2nd or reverse,) gently onto throttle, release clutch and off we go.

  11. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    You forgot the fake piped in engine noise

  12. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >Unlock drivers door with key(others arent locked)
    >Pop the bonnet
    >Connect the battery
    >Turn the key and mash throttle(its an EFI)
    >Car reeks of petrol and exhaust fumes
    >Pop the drivers window(its electric)
    >Turn on some tunes(90s techno)
    Yup time to take my alfa for my countries version of TUV.(Its not gonna pass)
    Just Alfa things

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >(Its not gonna pass)
      >implying it will make it there
      you don't own an Alfa

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        Ive spent the same amount of money I spent purchasing the car on the engine repair.
        Just completely neglected everything else (surprisingly its not made of rust, idk how)

  13. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >Adaptive Cruise Control: ready to be enabled at 70 mph
    I've started using it at 15-25mph in and out of my neighborhood too. Also ventilated seats go ON more frequently as well. My crotch reeks a lot less at the end of the day.

  14. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >key to unlock door
    >key to start car
    >blue tooth connection to phone for playlist
    >top down
    >no other gadgets or distractions
    >just drive

  15. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >minivan door slides open as I approach
    >open the front door instead
    >tell my sister to move
    >FRICKING MOVE b***h
    >sit on my sisters lap
    >fine.. creep
    >top40 garbage: OFF
    >plug my sandisk into the aux
    >*opie and Antony starts playing*
    >'anon I don't think this is approp..'
    >remind her of shotgun rules
    >how it was her idea for me to get a job
    >how 'im frickin' 19 mom', Amy has her fricking iPod anyway and 'like you even care'
    >Mother: SILENCED
    >Sister: OWNED
    >Nintendo DS: OPENED
    >Funyuns Flaming Hot: OPENED
    >Monster M80: OPENED
    >AC: SUB ZERO
    >Oakleys: LOWERED
    >Father: ABSENT
    >Fart: LOADING
    >Mom's Authority: UNDERMINED
    >Chances of me keeping minimum wage job for more than a week: ZERO
    >chances of me still living at home at 30: 100 PERCENT
    time to drive

  16. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >troony: DILATED

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